Pittsburgh's Pit Crew Pits Innovative Sports Experiences For Friends and Family

The Pittsburgh Penguins’ experimental disaster to hire a NASCAR pit crew to upgrade the team technology and resources to win has actually encouraged some wonderful innovations in the world of sports. Sure, the rocket powered roller skates on ice were a dangerous move for the team. But it did garnish the speed the Penguins needed. And the fans loved the 128-mile-per hour physical hits. The thousands of helpless, screaming spectators especially loved the opportunity to meet the players and see the new equipment up close as bodies flew  from the ice over the glass. Alas, injuries plagued the Penguins and their opponents. Fans who originally came to see a hockey game soon admitted they came to watch another game. As players had to frequently be sent to the hospital, the pit crews found themselves working on several ambulances transporting all kinds of victims out of the arena. The fans switched their attention to NASCAR ice races and made bets on which ambulances were going to return and leave the most number of times.

“It’s fun,” one Washington Capitals fan boasted. “And still much safer to bring my kids to watch than to bet on the police chases at Popeyes Chicken.”

At Pittsburgh’s hospitals, the medical staff at first felt overwhelmed. But, after being allowed to run betting rings  on the patients coming from the Penguins’ games, they were all too happy to see the ambulance ice races coming their way. Some even managed to pay off their own college debts with the cash they made. The patients themselves love being at the hospitals and getting a front row comfortable look at the races right there.

The ambulance ice races were not perfect. After months of these ambulance races all over Pittsburgh, the pit crews got carried away with the rocket-powered roller skates and the flames from the rockets melted much of the ice. This meant boats

were needed and not just ambulances and athletic trainers. The fans were all too thrilled to prepare boat races for next year’s events.

Next year’s events have the ambulance races sectionalized into teams based on the types of injuries the patients have. But in addition to the many other logistical complaints, this seems to provide an unfair advantage to the burn unit.

“That’s ridiculous,” some PR/HR/VCR/AR-15 staffer at the Pittsburgh Penguins front office personnel of department decisions wrote on his blog. “How can the burn unit have an unfair advantage if the events are literally happening on ice?”

This effort even has the support of many NFL fans. Sports vloggers for the Bengals, Browns, and Ravens all voiced their enthusiasm for any idea that will send as many Steelers fans to the hospitals as quickly as possible. They have all started to collect donations to send more pit crews to Pittsburgh as soon as possible.

“If we can make enough money,” Bengals fan who goes by the nickname SeeYouLaterRavenHater, stated, “we can even start helicopter races within three years. The sky is the limit!”