Way Too Late NFL Draft Predictions for 2127

In this year’s installment of the way too early NFL draft predictions, we are prepared to discuss which players teams will draft in exactly one hundred years in the first round. It should be an era where defense will shine and the Cleveland Browns, still likely to struggle from making the DeShaun Watson trade will probably have the number one overall pick. With that, I’m guessing they will go quarterback and select the descendant of Albert and Loretta Miller, who were just happily married yesterday. Congratulations to both of them. Albert’s family comes from a long line of Marines that goes back to the War of 1812. As for Loretta, she is a former boxer who once knocked out some other boxer we don’t remember at this time. I’m not sure this is the right move, given what a disappointment kids who are raised by people named Albert are. But it could be the miracle that Cleveland Browns fans want if the Browns decide to select someone else instead.

At number two, we are expecting the Atlanta Falcons to select Semicolon Tomalsy, a defensive end with no end to his potential. Being a descendant of a long line of single mothers, this guy will show speed and anger in  his game. He’s going to be built like a gorilla and probably talk like one too if he is educated in Iowa Secretary University, like we expect.

The first pick in the draft that will not be controversial is wide receiver, Doug Smithray, a Houston Texans machine that will catch anything thrown his way. He will be fast, slick, and difficult to tackle. He also will show versatility in his ability to throw touchdown passes to himself. He is smart too with a future in coaching.

The Buccaneers will probably take the second quarterback at number four with the descendant of Joe Lomarco. But that is assuming Joe gets the courage to finally ask one of his girlfriends to marry him already. We don’t know why we think Joe Lomarco makes sense as an ancestor of a great quarterback, given the fact that he’s pretty much useless. But I just have a feeling about that guy.

The New York Jets would hold the number five pick with a Penn State Defensive Tackle named Animal Logan. We don’t know who will name their kid Animal Logan in the future. But the Jets will get their guy when he throws centers at their own quarterbacks.

At number six, the Baltimore Ravens will chase a quarterback we have already forgotten and the kid wasn’t even born yet. He’s probably already accomplished about as much for the Ravens as he will in the future.

With the seventh pick in the 2127 NFL Draft, the Titans are expected to select a monster of an offensive lineman named Buck Bolton. Mauling people like a bear, Buck should be the descendant of some sort of Civil War hero who also returned from military retirement to serve in World War 2 before being captured in a tavern in France. Bolton is expected to be strong and big, but not too bright. He is not too dumb though either. After a long and successful career in professional football, we expect him to pursue a highly successful career as a lumberjack in the Sahara Desert.

Trading for the eighth overall pick in a bad move by the Seahawks, the Jets will select a running back named Ethan Barrett. Barrett is going to seem like a true leader with intense athletic skills. However, he may choose to start a cult and that could be a serious distraction.

Trading for the ninth overall pick in a bad move by the Falcons after they will trade for the same spot from the Steelers, the New York Jets will get a chance at selecting another player named Elena Moss, the first woman to be selected in the first round of a New York Jets draft. She will be able to play wide receiver. However, with how fast and useful Barrett may be, there may be no reason to throw the ball to her at all. That’s okay. She probably won’t be that good at catching, seeing as her grandmother was born four weeks ago and already one of the stupidest children I’ve ever met.

At number ten, the Minnesota Vikings will select Eskimo Maxwell. He is supposed to be a good offensive tackle. But he will need to learn how to feed himself if he is ever going to survive. It is expected that his parents will abandon him and kidnap a more successful second grader to replace him after his grades slip in school. But as of right now, that may only be a rumor.

At number eleven, the Raiders will select Sonny Monet, the versatile wide receiver from Ole Miss, who is going to be known for one-handed catches. After a season where the Raiders get probably as close to the playoffs in one hundred years as they’re ever going to see, they will take their chances on the LSU junior and move him to free safety.

With the twelfth pick of the 2127 NFL Draft, the Cowboys will select Poland Mac. Mac is going to be a wild tight end for them, who will play similarly to his great grandfather, who is now a tight end on a semiprofessional football team in Arkansas.

With the thirteenth pick of the 2127 NFL Draft, the Chiefs are expected to add the offspring of a janitor and a schoolteacher from Milwaukee. The guy is probably not going to play all that well. But there is something about that schoolteacher that shines greatness in others.

At number fourteen, the Bears are ready to take a chance on a quarterback they will regret signing. The guy is probably coming from Northern Illinois and does not do well with the cold.

At the fifteenth pick, what can we say about the Eagles except that they will aim for a linebacker that is hungry? With one leg, his deceptive speed and ability to leap onto defenseless quarterbacks is going to be an asset. It still is not determined what his parents will name him or what his parents’ names will be. But there is plenty of time to learn all of that.

The Jaguars hold the sixteenth pick and will take a vicious cornerback who can’t intercept a ball to save his life. But he will force fumbles like nobody’s business. The guy’s name should be Leo Lomass. Bu

Once again, the Patriots will confuse fans with another complicated quarterback selection by choosing Doug Bratch, a Texas Tech agricultural student, who is not sure he wants to play football. Doug is expected to spend training camp in a journey to find himself and seek wisdom. That could come in handy for the Patriots as he returns to make a movie about his life teaching kids the importance of teamwork and being kind to animals. Bratch’s strong arm and fast legs should be able to help avoid the costly number of sacks the Patriots will allow in 2126.

At number eighteen, the Broncos will annoy the media by skipping the wide receiver from Montana State for the wide receiver from Iowa State. Both share the same name. So, it’s an understandable error. However, the Iowa State guy will have a longer NFL career since his great grandfather is currently a hardnosed pastor in Miami.

Speaking of Miami, the Hurricanes will be happy to see their quarterback get selected by the Carolina Panthers in the nineteenth spot. Following Bryce Young’s long-awaited retirement in 2126, the Panthers will have another quarterback to continue the legacy for many years to come. That is, if Marshallas Mayhem is really as good as his great grandfather says he is going to be.

The Bills will take a linebacker in the twentieth spot. But he won’t be necessary. They will already be stacked on defense and could allow an average of four or five points per game just like they will in 2125. It’s too bad they will miss an opportunity to build their offense above an average of three points per game.

The Packers are not forgotten in 2127. They will probably take Zeus Davis, a running back nobody likes. But he will probably run through some people like a truck for a few weeks before being injured in a golf cart accident.

At twenty two, the Rams will pick a fast returner and faster running back named Bo Bumper. Bumper should be an elite hall of famer within a few years if he can make the correct decisions about his responsibilities in nutrition.

The Cardinals will select a tight end nobody wants to miss. The offense should be  back to what they will do in 2120 if they can keep their agile quarterback healthy again. Thomas Butcher should be great with catching and blocking but bad at tackling. That could be a concern given all of the interceptions their backup quarterback will have.

The Commanders shouldn’t have a problem getting the quarterback they need from Alabama. He may be good. But if he chooses to leave them for a better league in Europe, that could be frustrating for them. Let’s hope Europe collapses so they don’t form a better football league and he can stay in Washington.

Missing out on the tight end they will want, Tennessee will panic and select the strong safety out of Tornado State University that they will love. He will bring balance to the defense once and for all. But their offense will not be able to throw the football, since nobody there will remember what it’s like to catch one.

At twenty six, the 49ers will look for the offspring of Jerry Rice only to find the descendant of a Russian political analyst. He still should be pretty good, even if he is a cornerback on an otherwise lousy defense.

Ah yes. The Chargers will go for Offensive Line and select the descendant of Brittany Spears. He should be pretty good for them as they will look to repair the holes they will allow in the final four weeks of the regular season.

The Saints will be ready for a nose tackle and will find injury prone, Brock Post. He should be able to scare some offensive lineman with his long beard and scary eyes.

The Dolphins will do some damage as they take the wide receiver the Lions were waiting to grab. But their successful run will come to a complete stop when he tears the locker room apart with his dramatic whining.

The Lions will select a quarterback from Michigan that the fans will want them to pick. But he will smell so bad. That will be a problem as teammates avoid communicating and working with him.

The Colts will try to accept taking a Linebacker they don’t need from UNC. But it could turn into a great choice if they don’t pay the money they will owe Mo Morko.

When the Seahawks return to the Super Bowl, they will likely follow it with a draft bust named Pryce Holden. Pryce is not expected to do well. But his agent will be so good at making him seem like a great option, the Seahawks will cave and regret. Nobody knows what position he will play. They just know it’s not going to be good.